作文修改：科技加大貧富差距
來源：
小編： 42今天給一個(gè)學(xué)生改了作文，發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)多數(shù)人都會(huì)有的問題，就是“不扣題”，貼上來給大家看一下
題目：2009年1月10日
Task 2: some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor peole and rich people.Others think it is having an opposite effect.
Discuss these points of view.What is your opinion.
A gap for the range of technology which benefits individuals among poor peole and the rich ones that has became a hot-debated issue nowadays.Someone believe that it has increasing while the others hold the oppsite opinion. 這句可以省略不用
Obviously,peole hold the points of that the gap has been increasing maybe for the following reasons; first,the advanced technology bring many benefits for people especially the rich ones,just because the news ones that has always published rarely and costly.Like the smart mobilephone, navigation,searching the Internet.sending emails and many convient funtions can make you keeping tha pace of modern society.However this kind of fashionable luxuries are bound to be owned by the minority.Furthermore give them the high level living satandard and more opportunities to gain more wealthes,
On the contrary, there exists the opposite views.The others hold the view that technology can decreasing the gap.The updated technology can bring many commounicated means to the rural areas.The TVs, the radioes even the Internet,can make the poor peole’s mind out of the boxes.They can acquaint themselves with the moderm society and develop their economic.And the technology can bring more servicing facilities and transportation means.More enterprises would invest their funds in these areas.This trend can bring more money to them,and decrease the gap at the same time.
Overall:every coin has two sides.So technology can bring advantages also the disadvantages.By that I mean that the new world which creates by the technology for the poor peole can also accumulate more treatures for the rich ones.We can’t consider it in just one side.But I think the macro-economic controls and many measures can be taken to solve these problems.
你的這篇四段式的作文整體的思路是不錯(cuò)的，特別是中間兩段的論據(jù)很好，問題在于兩個(gè)中間段落的主題不是很扣題。
題目說：有人認(rèn)為科技發(fā)展加大貧富差距，其他人認(rèn)為科技發(fā)展有相反的作用（也就是縮小貧富差距），而你在第一個(gè)中間段落，只是說了科技發(fā)展給富人更多的好處，沒有點(diǎn)出會(huì)加大貧富差距，同樣第二個(gè)中間段落也沒有緊扣“科技發(fā)展縮小貧富差距”
最后一段表明觀點(diǎn)，也有問題，這個(gè)題目無法中立，因?yàn)橐蝗痪褪羌哟?，要不就是縮小，你不能說既加大又縮小。你表明的觀點(diǎn)變成了：科技發(fā)展既有好處又有壞處，這個(gè)跟題目問的完全不一樣。
